The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
