I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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