would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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