Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
