What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
