So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
