I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Houston, we have a squirter
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
