Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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