hotel room ftw
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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