Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
