Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
