Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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