Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
