i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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