I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
