Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
