I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
