her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
