My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
