nut hugger
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
