I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Please don't give away my fajitas
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
