11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
