I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
