My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
sex in a hospital.. check
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FUCK WHALES
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
