his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
