he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
