haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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