I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
