fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dear god my vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize