my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Pooping to opera.
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