P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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