Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
