i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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