Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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