based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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