Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
