Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
