Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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