You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
