you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
