Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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