Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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