she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
