I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
