We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
