i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
