Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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