Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
