dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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