I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
