I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
