so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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