I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
