My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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