I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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