sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
