my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
