the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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