haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
