i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
