im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
