I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
