Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
