I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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