just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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