we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
