A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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