your thong is hanging out like whoa
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
