my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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